


What If

by AniRay



Category: Queen of the South (TV)
Genre: Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 14:32:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16683415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AniRay/pseuds/AniRay
Summary: She woke up one morning to a whole new life. A future she had never let herself image. But there are still shadows from her past waiting to destroy this beautiful thing she's found called happiness.Or: Teresa wakes up five years in the future and has to navigate the problems in this alternate reality.





	1. I

She opened her eyes to the sun filtering softly through her window. Her mind was hazy with sleep- slow to focus on the world around her. But even as she let herself curl deeper into the blankets the soft sound of footsteps pulled her mind to the door.

The door slid open slowly and she pretended not to hear the tiny giggle coming from the edge of the bed. She pretended to stretch, shifting her body to face the opposite direction. Her eyes peeked open but just barely- her lashes hiding the fact that she was awake. Sparkling brown eyes, a mop of dark curls, and the most mischievous grin spread across a little face.

“Munchkin.”  

She knew that voice. She snuck a peek and saw him. James leaned against the doorframe, arms folded across his chest. He had a scowl on his face, but Teresa knew it wasn’t sincere. The amusement was too obvious in his eyes and the corner of his lip kept twitching upward. Teresa let her gaze shift back to the little girl. She was facing James now, but Teresa could still see the way her eyes lit up at the sight of James.

“Mami’s tired. Why don’t we let her rest some more and you and me can go watch cartoons before Tio Pote makes breakfast.”

The little girl tilts her head and contemplates his offer. She must agree because she nods excitedly before running to James and wrapping her arms around his legs. “Ok Daddy.” Teresa’s heart clenches at the sight and the words. The title ‘Mami’ finally hit her too. She had been so wrapped up in the moment she hadn’t let her mind dwell on what she was hearing. “Do you think Tio will let me help?”

James turned the little girl towards the hallway, “We’ll only know if we ask, huh?” Then he sent a wink to Teresa before walking out of the room, the little girl’s hand tucked safely in his. She felt herself smile at the image the two made.

She loved him.

She loved both of them.

~*~*~

Teresa stayed in bed for a few more minutes before curiosity got the best of her. She knew a few things since she had opened her eyes this morning.

She was wearing a ring.

James was, too.

The little girl was their daughter.

Pote was still with them- alive and well apparently.

They were still in Phoenix (James’ room was somehow the same and completely different).

But there were things she didn’t know. Things she wanted to find out more than anything. She wanted to know her daughter’s name and how old she was. She wanted to know when and how and everything about her marriage to James. She wanted to know about what had happened to the business- because there was no way that she or James would bring a child into that life. Was Tony alright? Was KellyAnn still with them in this version of her life or had the betrayal happened here too?

‘Get up and find out,’ her mind told her.

She threw back the covers and sat up, letting her legs swing around so her feet could rest on the floor. James’ room was masculine overall, but as she looked closer Teresa could see her influence. Knickknacks that he never would have bought, light curtains that contrasted well with the darker furniture, the bedspread had a floral pattern that she loved and inherently knew James had only agreed to for her.

She stood up from the bed and made her way to the bathroom. It was odd but comforting to see the way that her things were mixed in with James’ things on the counter. She liked the way their towels were side by side on the rack. They were together- a unit. This room made it obvious.

She took a quick shower, not wanting to miss anything that was happening downstairs. She stepped into the walk-in closet, her towel wrapped around her securely. It was the first sign of division, but somehow it was still cohesive. She still felt like it represented her relationship with James. His clothes were on one side, hers were on the other. She was light and carefree, he was dark and mysterious. But the different styles complimented each other. She sifted through some of the clothes pulling on underwear and a pair of leggings before moving to his side and rifling through the hangers until she found one of his sweaters. It was white with long sleeves and she had always liked the way he looked in it. She somehow knew she liked the way it felt on her, as well.

She had just slipped on a pair of flats when she heard a crash from downstairs. Her heart was suddenly in her throat and she was flying out of the bedroom and down the stairs. She rushed into the kitchen nearly colliding with James as she did. He had their daughter in his arms and Pote was sweeping the remnants of one of the glass measuring cups into the dustpan.

“What happened?”

James turned around and Teresa hoped he didn’t see how absolutely terrified she had been. But the way he tilted his head and raised an eyebrow in question said she wasn’t so lucky. Then there was a bundle of arms and legs wrapping around her body and Teresa’s focus was redirected.

“Alicia was trying to help me with breakfast. The mixing cup tricked her, right Little One?” Pote was the one to answer, his voice stopping the fear-laced thoughts that had been ready to take over her mind. The little girl nodded against Teresa’s shoulder and tried to cuddle closer. “But I think it surprised her more than anything.” Pote didn’t look up as he said any of this, which helped settle Teresa’s nerves even more. He was calm and so was James. She didn’t need to worry.

She meets James’ eyes once again, and her heart flutters. Because the way he is looking at her is so soft and full of love. He isn’t trying to hide it like she’s used to him doing. And the complete openness that she sees in him makes her feel both completely loved and unspeakably sad that she missed the moments that led to him being this way. He reached out his hand letting his fingers settle on her upper arm. It was so different and yet the same. She still recognized the feel of his calloused fingers dragging along her skin. But there was a certainty to his touch- no hesitation- that wasn’t there before.

“Ali, let’s go sit at the table and you can finish helping Tio, okay?” His voice had the same low, gravelly quality it always had, but now- when he spoke to his daughter- there was a softness that Teresa had never heard before. Even if it weren’t obvious on his face, anyone who heard him speak to her would know how much Alicia’s father loved her.

Teresa felt Ali nod and, with a small smile for James, made her way to the table. She sat down and moved Ali so that she was facing the stove instead of hiding her face in the crook of Teresa’s neck. She smoothed down the riot of curls that haloed her little girl’s head and dropped a kiss onto her temple. She may have only met this little girl today, but there was already nothing she wouldn’t do to keep her safe and happy.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Charger coming into the kitchen. She had wondered, but since it seemed like she was the only one unfamiliar with this version of her life, Teresa had decided not to ask questions yet. She wanted to enjoy this peace- enjoy her _family._ “Boss, there are some people at the winery. They said they know your friend in Bolivia. I left Lil’ T and Carlito to watch him.”

She didn’t want Bolivia anywhere near her. She wanted to shove the people and the memories into the furthest reaches of her mind and forget them. By the way both James and Pote tensed up, they felt the same way. Her arms tightened around Ali reflexively. It was as if by holding her closer Bolivia and all it represented couldn’t touch her- hurt her. She met James’ eyes to gauge his response to this news. But for the first time in a lot longer than she wanted to think about, he was completely unreadable to her. And as she let her gaze drift to Pote she found the same thing.

“Charger, give us a minute.”

 Teresa hadn’t heard James speak so coldly since before Malta.

Charger nodded and quickly left the room. The tension was building. She wished she could know what James was thinking. She wished he would show her something- anything about what this meant to him. But she was also terrified. Because if he was this upset she could only assume that there was something important that she didn’t know.

“Pote, could you take Ali outside?”

Teresa didn’t expect Pote to agree. But he did. There wasn’t even a moment of hesitation. Teresa wasn’t sure if that was because he didn’t want to be involved or because he thought James was right. It didn’t matter. Because he had already swept Ali into his arms and carried her out of the kitchen by the time her brain had processed anything. She shifted her attention back to James. His eyes were already on her. Cold, emotionless, so much like the first day she met him.

“You said you were done.” His voice was the only thing giving away how angry he really was. It felt as if each word was being forced out of him. Like he didn’t want to speak to her but knew he had no choice. “When you decided we would keep her, you said that you were out. No more Bolivia, no more cartels. Completely out.”

She didn’t know that. She hadn’t been there. But to him she had. And apparently she had also been breaking promises and endangering their daughter. But there was no way to explain her side and no way to excuse whatever this other version of her had been doing. She had woken up this morning to a beautiful, perfect life.

She should have known it was too good to be true.

“She’s four. Does she have to live with the threat of losing her mom this soon? Do I have to go out there and be your hit man again? Are you really willing to throw away her life- _our life-_ for this?”

The way he spoke told her more than he probably realized- about him and what he wanted. And it was obvious that he didn’t want the life they were leading. He didn’t like the violence, he didn’t like the danger. She had never taken the time to see it, but now it was so clear. He wanted a family. He _had_ a family- they made one together. And even though he hadn’t mentioned her, she could hear what he wasn’t saying.

_I don’t want to lose you._

It was different- the weight that the sentiment held. He wouldn’t just be losing a girl he cared for. She could see it so plainly. He would be losing his wife and the mother of his child. And that made everything so much more complicated. Because she knew what it was like to watch your parents die in front of you. And even still she had wanted- no, _needed_ someone to explain to her why she was suddenly alone. And Teresa didn’t want that for her little girl. She didn’t want that for James. And she couldn’t understand how this new Teresa could risk everything to keep this business alive.

“James…” His expression hardens, but she can’t let it affect her. “I don’t know why he sent anyone. Come with me. We can figure out what this is about together.” She sees the way his eyes narrow at the word ‘together’ shaking his head in frustration. “I don’t want to put our family at risk. I want to fix this. Let me.”

He dropped his head to stare at the counter, arms gripping the edge of the sink. She waits. Waits for him to trust her, waits for him to see how sincere she is. If the roles had been reversed she would have needed more than a minute or an hour or probably even a day. The image of Ali holding James’ hand pops into her mind’s eye. She couldn’t lose either of them. She wouldn’t.

Footsteps caught their attention- James’ first, like always. Charger came back into the kitchen, discomfort clear on his face. Teresa saw James nod out of the corner of her eye, but kept her focus on the other man in the room.

“They left. They said an emergency came up that had to be handled. Lil’ T brought this for you.” He handed a sealed envelope to Teresa and left the room. She stared at the envelope far longer than necessary- James’ irritated sigh told her he knew why. Whatever was in that envelope could change everything. She may not have been living this life for long, but she was attached. The feelings she felt when the day started- she didn’t want to lose that even if it wasn’t truly real. She had Pote and the crew. She had Alicia- a child she loved more than anything. And she had James – he was everything she wanted.

 _Whatever is in this letter could destroy all of that._ But the cruel part of herself- the side she hated most whispered into her mind that she had always destroyed the things she loved. She had never deserved any of the good anyway.

“Just open it.”

His voice brought her back to the present. She gave a slow nod as her fingers worked the flap open. She pulled the note out and unfolded it. Immediately her eyes closed. She didn’t want to know anything else- what she was looking at hurt enough. But she knew she couldn’t hide from this- the danger was already here. A picture of Ali at a playground was surrounded by a note she hadn’t read yet. The sun was shining in the picture- the light catching in her curls. She was running- smile wide- trying to avoid James’ hands as they reached for her. His aviators were on but for once she didn’t need to see his eyes to know he was happy. His grin was enough proof. Then she saw herself, standing to the side watching. Her head was thrown back in laughter and there wasn’t a trace of worry or stress or fear to be found.

They were happy.

Teresa closed her eyes against the overwhelming beauty of the scene. With the risk of losing that so close, it hurt to look at. With her eyes still closed she placed the picture on the table. Then she looked at the note. It was short- to the point. It lacked the usual level of cryptic-ness of El Santo’s other letters, but the foreboding that she associated with him was still wrapping its fingers around her throat.

_You have made a new life for yourself, Teresa Mendoza. Moyocoyotzin. But even in new life one must remember the ways of the past. Our business is not finished- our bond as family has not been severed. Be careful that you do not destroy your new family by betraying your first one._

So he wanted her to stay in the business. He wasn’t letting her get out. Was this the first note he had sent? Or had she ignored the others? Had she tried to do what he wanted in secret? There was so much that she didn’t know. And being at a disadvantage right now could take everything from her.

Everything like James…

She let her eyes take in his tense form. Even in his anger he was beautiful. Her mind flashed to Guero, bleeding in her arms. She couldn’t let that happen to James- she wouldn’t. Getting up Teresa made her way to where he stood. Sliding the note across the counter for him to read she said, “He has Ali’s picture.” She wouldn’t have thought it was possible for him to hold himself any more tensely, but those four words proved her wrong. “I don’t know how to say no without him coming after her… without him coming after _you_.”

He was already shaking his head, “It doesn’t matter if he comes after me. The only thing that matters is that you and Alicia are safe. He can have me.” Her heart clenched painfully in her chest. He was so ready to sacrifice himself for her- for them. She hated it. She never wanted him to die for her. She never wanted to lose him. Not to sickness or an accident, and definitely not to this business. He deserved better.

_I’ve got a plan for a future. And it doesn’t include getting killed by crossfire meant for you._

They hadn’t cared about each other then, not in a nonprofessional way. But she had held onto those words. Every time he had put himself at risk for her. Every time he drew enemy fire so she could get to safety. She didn’t go back because of dark caves. She didn’t go back because of respect or trust or even love. She went back because she didn’t want to be the reason he didn’t have the future he planned. She knew what it felt like- to wake up with your life going in one direction and fall asleep with all of those dreams burned to ash.

Her hand was gripping tightly to his wrist before she realized she had moved. “No he can’t.” James gave her an irritated look. But she didn’t care; she had lived through his anger before. “He can’t have you. He can’t have Ali. He can’t have any of us. None of us are disposable- especially not you.” Her other hand came up to rest against his jaw, forcing him to look at her. “I need you, James. We all need you. Don’t make me explain to her why her father isn’t coming home. Don’t make me wake up in bed alone for the rest of my life.”

James pulled away, running a hand through his hair. She could see him weighing their options in his mind. She could see him struggling between risking everything to make sure she and Ali stayed alive and risking even more to make sure the three of them stayed alive _together._

He touched the edge of the note with his index finger, as if that small acknowledgment would somehow make El Santo’s people suddenly appear before them. He turned to face her fully, his hand slipping away from the note. “We need to figure out what he wants” he started, eyes locking with hers letting her see all of the anger and fear and determination in them. “Does he want a tribute or does he want us to actually move and sell product? We need to know. And we need to leave here. I don’t want him to be able to find Ali again. She can’t be a bargaining chip- ever.”

Teresa nodded along to his words. She was listening, ideas forming in her mind with each word he said. But she was noticing other things too. Like the way he said ‘we’. The way he was taking control of the situation was new, but she knew instinctively that it was because Ali was involved and not because he wanted to run the business. She could see the same look in his eyes that she used to see in her father’s. He would protect his family because it was his responsibility- no one else’s.

 

 

The anger hadn’t faded, but James’ arm still snaked around her waist and pulled her to him. His other hand came up and his fingers tangled in her hair tilting her face to meet his kiss. It was quick, rough, saying everything that mattered. _I love you, I need you to be safe, we can figure this out together, I’m still on your side._ He pulled away slowly, and pressed his lips to her temple- not a kiss, just comfort. Her hands had found their way to his chest, gripping his shirt in her fists. Teresa let herself breathe in his scent, let herself feel all the fear and vulnerability a wife and mother would be feeling. She put aside the cartel leader in her and embraced the woman.

Her mind took her to Guero.

She never would have been able to let go this way with him.

He never would have understood her in the way James does.

“Go pack. I’ll send Ali to you and fill Pote in on what’s going down.” James’ hands fell away from her and he took a step back. She nodded and let her eyes go to the window. She could see Ali sitting on Pote’s lap laughing at Charger where he sat making funny faces. Teresa’s expression must have been worried because James placed a hand on her shoulder. “We’ll keep her safe.”

James headed for the door that Pote and Ali had gone through not too long ago. For a moment Teresa didn’t let her eyes leave her daughter. For some reason it felt like to look away would be to lose her. But she didn’t doubt James. She watched as James picked Ali up and tickled her- she hears her shriek of laughter. And even though James couldn’t hear it his eyes still met hers when she whispered, “I know.”


	2. II

It was late when they reached the new safe house. Ali had been upset that she had to leave her bed and her toys and books. She hadn’t understood why they couldn’t stay at home. It had hit Teresa hard- harder than she expected. She had never really had a home before. Not since her parents were killed. Even her house with Guero hadn’t felt like a true home. It had been too opulent and gaudy. She had loved him more than she had loved the house. He had decorated it- well he had paid someone else to decorate it. It had never been what she would have wanted. But she had Guero so she was happy.

After that there had been the warehouse that Camila had kept her in- then Camila’s safe house. Neither of those places was ever meant to feel like home. They were prisons, each with different trappings. She had never felt comfortable in Camila’s house. She had been under too much pressure- too worried about surviving the day. But there had been moments- small ones- when she had felt safe. Thinking of them now, James had been a large part of that feeling of safety.

It was no wonder his home felt like what she dreamed home would be. The security was state of the art, but it wasn’t overbearing. The décor was simple and tasteful, like the man who lived there. And there was a warmth within each room that Teresa knew was because of the memories she had made with James in each of them. Even the painful memories still made her feel something good- because they had become stronger through the pain.

So leaving it all behind was hard. Seeing the tears in Alicia’s eyes as she had to leave the only home she had ever known broke her heart. Teresa was glad that Pote and the others had taken a different car. Teresa didn’t want them to see her this vulnerable, she wanted this moment to be between her family. James reached over and covered her hand with his. His silent reassurance was enough for her to let the tears she had been fighting fall. She had already missed so much and now she was leaving before she could even understand this new life she was living.

But she didn’t dwell on that for too long. They were at the safe house and she needed to help get Ali settled for the night. Teresa already knew that she and James wouldn’t be sleeping, but Alicia needed to rest. Wiping her eyes with one hand Teresa unfastened her seatbelt and turned to check on Ali in the back seat. Her eyes were closed and her long lashes rested against her round cheeks. She looked so peaceful- no shadows marred her dreams. Teresa would give her life to make sure it stayed that way.

James had gotten out and was unbuckling Ali from her booster seat. His every move was done with a practiced ease. And the way Ali snuggled into him was further proof that this was not a new development. Getting out of the car Teresa went around to James’ side of the car and grabbed Ali’s bag before following her husband into the new house.

It was…different.

The house in Phoenix was sharp lines and open spaces. This house was older and the only open space was the shared living and dining room. But the décor was impeccable. High ceilings, distressed hardwood floors, wood paneling covered the bottom third of the walls while the rest was a rich cream color. The furniture was faux antique, and the style was Pre-antebellum. Teresa had a moment of worry that Ali might damage something but she pushed it aside. There were more important things to worry about right now.

She followed James up the circular stairs and looked out over the balcony. The railings were too close together for Ali to squeeze through and it was tall enough she couldn’t fall over. The bedroom doors were all open and Teresa could see that the others had started claiming rooms. Pote was closest to the stairs, with Charger right next to him. Then there were two empty rooms. The next door had Lil’ T’s gun on the bed so that room was spoken for too. Finally James open the second to last door, it was at the far corner of the house and there was no way to get to that room without passing all the others first. She knew that was why James picked it. When she went into the room she saw that it had a connecting door leading to the last room on the floor. That was obviously the room that James had chosen for Ali- an intruder would have to go through all of them before they could get to Ali.

The room was painted a sunny yellow and where the wood paneling had been in all the other rooms it had been removed in this one. Instead there was chalkboard slate in its place. There were already flowers and bunnies and rainbows drawn onto the slate ready for Ali to add to the pictures. It made Teresa smile to see how much thought had gone into this room already. There was plush cream carpet instead hardwood and when she looked up the ceiling was painted sky blue with little glow in the dark stars. Ali would love it.

James laid Alicia in the twin bed and started undressing her for bed. Teresa moved to stand next to him, rummaging through the bag she had brought in to hand him pajamas and clean socks. It was easy and natural the way they worked together, but it always had been that way with her and James. Even before they liked each other they worked well together. Now to see that ease and cohesiveness in such a domestic light was both startling and comforting at the same time.

Teresa nudged James aside when he finished putting Ali’s socks on. He looked confused for a second before switching places with her. Ali hadn’t stirred once through the entire process and Teresa was almost sad about it. But she pushed it aside and bent to pull the covers over the little girl. She tucked them around her securely before brushing her curls off of her forehead.  Leaving a soft kiss on Ali’s cheek Teresa moved to the door waiting for James while he whispered ‘sweet dreams’ to their little girl.

After James closed the door to Ali’s room, the two made their way back downstairs and out to the car. There was a lot to deal with, but they needed to try and organize themselves first. Between her, James, Pote, and Charger they were able to unload everything before 3 a.m. Pote and Charger went to bed, Lil’ T had been asleep for hours by that point. But as exhausted as Teresa was she couldn’t make herself sleep. So she and James stayed up and started unpacking. He showed her to the basement which had a reinforced steel door with a 6-digit lock code.

“I would have chosen our anniversary, but I couldn’t make myself be that predictable.”

Teresa bit her cheek to hide her smile.

Once they were inside she saw that the basement was divided into three sections. The first was emergency stockpiles: non-perishables, water, flashlights and batteries, clothes and blankets, and even an emergency generator. The second section was living quarters, complete with a full kitchen and two full bathrooms. Teresa found it odd until she realized that the entire basement was also a reinforced bomb shelter. It had to have been added after the house was originally built, probably on James’ orders. But the third section was the biggest and it had a separate door with a 4-digit lock code. When they went inside it was full of weapons.

During her time with the cartel Teresa had learned a few things about weapons. And James’ role as a sniper had shown her his love and respect for many types of weapons. But this was something else. It was a full arsenal. The walls were all lined with shelves from floor to ceiling, each with different types of guns. There were sniper rifles, RPGs, automatic and semi-automatics rifles, single and double barreled shotguns, every caliber hand gun she had ever seen and some she hadn’t even heard of.

Then in the center of the room were ten islands each five feet wide with five drawers to them. James opened one as they passed it, “You’ll get more familiar with everything the longer we’re here,” he said. “But for now just know that bomb materials, grenades, flash bombs, flares, and blades all go in the drawers. Bombs to the back, knives closer to the door.” He waved his hand towards the two furthest islands as he spoke.

But her eyes were locked on the drawer of knives in front of her. One knife in particular had caught her attention. It was small the whole thing was as long as her hand. It was almost delicate, with its thin blade- no more than a centimeter wide- and the fine bone hilt. It had silver inlay in the pattern of vines crawling up the hilt and wrapping around the base of the blade- reinforcing the strength of the handle while adding beauty to the weapon. She picked it up and turned it over to find gold writing engraved along the bottom edge of the hilt. ‘For my Wife.’ She looked up and saw James leaning against the end of the island arms crossed. His head was tilted to the side, waiting for her reaction.

“I love it. Thank you.”

He straightened up and came to stand behind her, letting his arms wrap around her waist while his chin rested on her shoulder. “I wanted you to have something small that could do some real damage. I’m glad you like it,” he said before leaving a soft kiss along the delicate line of her jaw. He was so different than the man she first met. His softness amazed her, but she reveled in it. “Come on. Let’s get this stuff sorted so we can get some rest. It’s been a long day.”

Then he was moving away from her, pulling weapons out of their carriers and putting them in the empty spaces that they belonged in. She smiled as she returned the knife to its place. Then she started unpacking and putting things away too, both of them moving around each other seamlessly.

She loved him.

~*~*~

Teresa didn’t remember leaving the basement. She didn’t remember going to her and James’ room or getting into bed. But when she woke up the next day that’s where she was- dressed in some old shorts and a tank top that she hadn’t been wearing before.  There was also a little girl draped across her neck. Teresa bit back a smile as she tried to roll over. Alicia was lying sideways across the bed, her head and arms on top of Teresa, with her feet and legs on the pillow above James’ head. James- who was not asleep, James- who was watching both of his girls sprawled out and sleepy. The barely there smile on his face told Teresa he was more than content with the way his morning was going so far. Shifting slightly he moved Ali’s legs down so that she was more vertical than horizontal. Teresa shifted the little girl so that she was still mostly on her, but Teresa could move- and breathe- more freely.

“She came in while I was tucking you in. Wanted to stay with you.” Teresa had a feeling Ali had wanted to stay with him more, but she didn’t say anything. His hand reached over their sleeping daughter and rested on her hip. She let her hand cover his, enjoying the closeness. Who knew how long they would have to be quiet together before something brought chaos into their little bubble again?

It lasted for longer than she expected. Her fingers intertwined with James’, her legs tangled with his. They didn’t talk much, but Teresa didn’t mind. When they did talk it was little things- domestic things. He asked about how she wanted to decorate the house, she asked when he was going to cut his hair. It was nice- to just lay there together with the little person they created lying between them.

A knock on their bedroom door brought them back to reality. James kept his eyes on her for a moment, two. Then he rolled out of bed and grabbed his gun before opening the door. Pote was there, face hard. Teresa didn’t think he was upset about her and James anymore, but that was the same look he had the first time he saw James kiss her. James must have thought it was odd too because he immediately went on alert.

“They burned the compound.” Teresa was almost convinced she had heard wrong. But before she could question him Pote continued. “We drove back early this morning to grab a few more things. Personal stuff- pictures of Ali and the three of you. Things I knew you would want, Teresita.” James had taken a step back at this point, allowing Pote to come further into the room. “We had just left when we saw the smoke.” He shifted his attention to James, “They were watching the house, waiting for us to leave. It was a message.”

Teresa felt an odd pain in her hand. She looked down to see that she had fisted the bed-sheets so tightly they were cutting off circulation. She forced herself to relax her grip- focusing on one finger at a time. It gave her time to process what she had just heard. But all her mind could hold onto was, “Did you get all the pictures?” James walked over to her, taking her hand in his larger one. She knew he could hear the distress in her voice. She knew he and Pote were probably worrying about her already. But she didn’t care. She couldn’t be strong right now. She watched Pote nod and felt the first tears fall.

James slid onto the bed behind her, lifting her into his arms. “Ali wanted to go back home. _I_ wanted to go back home.” James tucked her head into the crook of his neck, holding her securely. Pote looked less stoic now and Teresa knew it was because she was hurting. She had wanted to go back to their house one day- the house where every good thing in her life had started. She and James had their first kiss in that house. They got married while living in that house. Their _daughter_ had been born _in that house_. And now it was gone and she hadn’t even had a chance to really appreciate it.

Then just as suddenly as her emotions had taken hold of her, Teresa was calm again. There was a gentle wave of anger roiling within her. She would pay them back- El Santo, his followers. She would make them pay for taking away the only home she had ever really had. She pulled away from James and looked over at Ali. The wave grew. She welcomed the anger. It was better to be angry than hurt. Hurt could paralyze you, where anger could propel you forward into action.

James’ hand on her cheek captured her attention and focused it on him. His brows were furrowed in concern, but he didn’t ask her about what must have been showing on her face. Instead he placed a light kiss on her cheek and turned back to Pote. “Were you followed?” Teresa turned in time to see Pote shake his head in the negative. Both she and James let out a breath of relief. They were safe for now. Alicia was safe for now. “Good. We’ll meet downstairs in a few minutes. We need to plan our next steps.” Teresa looked at her husband askance. “If El Santo is willing to burn down our house before we have accepted or rejected him formally, then we need to assume that he’s even less stable than usual,” he said in response to her silent question.

Pote nodded, his expression taking on the hard mask of a sicario again. “I’ll make breakfast. It should be ready in a half hour.” He nodded towards where Ali slept peacefully, unaware of the danger that surrounded her. “Is she gonna be up by then?” James looked behind him the same time Teresa did. He shook his head before the sound of Pote’s boots hitting the hardwood told Teresa that he was leaving.

Teresa was calm now, at least outwardly, but she didn’t leave her place in James’ arms. She did pull back to look at him though. In her own sadness and anger she had forgotten that it had been his house before it was hers. He had told her how he had worked with the architect to get just the right style for himself. He had been a little less involved with the interior design part, but still… it had been _his place_ \- a place separate from Camila and the cartels and his army life. And now it was gone.

The expression on her face must have been worry, because when James looked at her he gave that soft reassuring smile that he only had for her. “It’s okay. It was just a house.” Teresa watched him for another moment before shaking her head. It wasn’t just a house and they both knew it. He didn’t have to try to make her feel better. “Okay, yeah, a lot happened there. There were a lot of good memories there.” He cracked a wry smile. “Plus, I really liked that gym.”

Teresa let out a small laugh. James didn’t joke a lot- he was usually too busy trying to keep everything running smoothly. But she had always enjoyed his dry sense of humor. “You know,” she started, “I think I missed the first joke you told.” His eyebrow quirked up in confusion. “You never sound like you’re joking. I can only tell because of the way your face and voice change a little. But before I knew you, I never would have been able to tell.” He gave her a strange look and for a moment she was worried he might think she wasn’t the right Teresa, that she had screwed up somehow. But then his face cleared and he pulled her down into a sweet kiss.

The feel of his lips against her was so familiar, so _good_. In this world that she didn’t completely understand, _this_ she knew- James- his taste, the feel of his hands at her hips, the thick curls that she always found herself holding on to. But there was something unfamiliar too, something she could only describe as _more_. It was as if he had been holding back with her before. And now he didn’t have to anymore- she knew all of him in this life and he let her. It was intoxicating- knowing that this was what she had to look forward to everyday.

One of his hands left her waist and slid into the curls at the nape of her neck. She whimpered into his mouth as he deepened the kiss, pulling her closer, teeth nipping at her lip. She pulled away to catch her breath, but he just moved his lips to her throat, leaving hot kisses along the skin there, edging down to trail along the line of her collarbones. She let her legs wrap around him knees pressing into the bed on either side of him. The movement pressed her hips into his and she felt the way his breathing lost its evenness at the contact. The arm around her waist pulled her even closer, and she had to bite her tongue to keep from moaning and waking Ali. 

James must have had a similar thought, because suddenly he pulled his mouth from where it had been wreaking havoc in the valley between her breasts. He tilted her head down so that their foreheads rested against each other. Her eyes were still closed but she could imagine the look of him- breathless, wanting, _hers_. They took a moment to regain their equilibrium. His hand slowly left her hair and though she didn’t let go she loosened her grip on his curls, gently running her fingers through them instead. “We should go down. They’re waiting for us.” Teresa couldn’t say anything yet, so she let her head drop to his shoulder and nodded.

Slowly she pulled away and stood up. James’ eyes were dark, heated, as he watched her in front of him. She wanted to crawl back into his lap and finish what they had started. She wanted to feel him inside of her, so close she didn’t know where he stopped and she began. The way his fingers twitched against his leg let her know she wasn’t the only one. Instead, she forced herself to move towards the connected bathroom at the back of the room.

When she came back out he had changed into a pair of jeans but still shirtless. Teresa had forgotten to grab a change of clothes so she was just in her bra and panties. She let out an exasperated sigh and rolled her eyes playfully when she saw the way James took in her appearance. He stepped passed her into the bathroom tossing out, “I wasn’t the only one looking,” as he went. She waited until the door closed behind him before she moved towards her bag. Quickly pulling out a pair of leggings and a t-shirt, Teresa got dressed. She went to the bed to make sure Ali was still sleeping peacefully. She loved that little girl- more than she thought she would ever love anything. By the time she was finished James was stepping out of the bathroom shrugging on a shirt she hadn’t seen him carry in.

They didn’t say anything, simply making their way to the living room in comfortable silence. Pote, Charger, and Lil’ T were all gathered, plates in hand. Pote had made fully loaded omelets for everyone and Teresa could feel her mouth begin watering at the delicious smell. Quickly reheating their plates, she and James took their seats. The atmosphere was an odd combination of tense and laid back. They were all on edge about El Santo, but somehow they could still relax, because they were together- familia. It was nice.

Then Charger broke the silence and the tension started to outweigh the content feeling Teresa had been enjoying. “I know you’ve been out for a while, but maybe El Santo coming back is a good thing.” Teresa felt James stiffen from his place next to her, but he didn’t take his eyes off of his plate so she didn’t comment. “I mean, the money we have saved up can only last for so long. And even when you’re out- you’re never really out, ya know?”

Teresa looked at the people gathered around her. She could tell that Lil’ T agreed. She wasn’t surprised- the girl was young and reckless. She wanted the excitement that came with cartel life even if it meant constant danger. Pote, she knew, would do what she wanted. He was loyal to her first and always. But she could see that he was itching to be more than her bodyguard and friend. Finally she looked at James. Things were different for them. Charger and Lil’ T obviously cared about Ali, and Pote would die for her in a heartbeat. But they weren’t her parents. And they had never been to Bolivia. They didn’t know how unstable El Santo truly was- not even Pote. It wasn’t something she could explain although she had tried.

Looking at James she saw the same thoughts going through his mind: Ali came first. “Charger, man, I get what you’re saying. And you’re right- the money won’t last forever. But it isn’t just us and a warehouse full of girls anymore.” Teresa saw the way Charger straightened at the mention of Dallas. “Those girls knew what they were getting into. They chose that life.” James let his eyes drift to the open door- the stairs were the only thing visible from where he was sitting. “Alicia is four and a crazy cult cartel leader has her picture. She doesn’t even know what cocaine is, but she’s involved.” Teresa watched the way Charger and Lil’ T both shifted uncomfortably at the reminder of El Santo knowing about Ali. James let out a heavy sigh. “I’m not saying we stay out or get back in. That’s why we’re discussing it. I’m just saying if we do this, there’s more at stake than before. We have an innocent that we didn’t have to account for last time we started all this.”

Teresa found herself reaching for James’ hand, linking their fingers together. He was right, but he also wasn’t shooting them down. He was being fair. Charger was nodding pensively, and Teresa knew that he was truly thinking about what was best for everyone- including Ali. She shifted her attention when Pote cleared his throat. “Look, I get it. You wanna protect the Little One. But if we don’t do what El Santo wants do you really think we can keep her safe for long?” Teresa shot him an angry glare. How could he say that? How could he think that she or James would ever let anything happen to Ali? Pote didn’t back down though. “I’m serious, Teresita. El Santo has connections all around the world and because he’s so crazy no one will go against him. Turn him down and we could have more than just Bolivian narcos on us.”

“He’s right.”

Teresa jerked her head around to stare at James. But his eyes were on the floor. “Teresa, he’s right. We can’t go against that much heat. Not with our numbers. Not with a vulnerability like Ali.” She pulled her hand from his and narrowed her eyes, feeling the need to protect her child override everything else.

“Are you saying Ali was a mistake? That she’s bad for business?”

James rolled his eyes, shaking his head at her tone. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.” He heaves a sigh, runs his hand through his hair again. “She isn’t a mistake. She never was, never will be. But she _does_ make us all more vulnerable. That picture is proof that El Santo is willing to use her life as a way to get what he wants.”

Teresa shook her head, trying to dispute his logic in some way. She was a strategist. She was smart enough to figure out a different way. A way that didn’t hurt Ali or James or anyone else.  “No. There has to be something else.” She looks at the other people in the room with her. She trusts them. She knows they are loyal to her. But this isn’t about loyalty to _her_ \- it’s about Alicia. She turns back to James. His eyes are already on her and she can see the determination, the ruthlessness that he usually tries to keep hidden, in his eyes. She knows he will walk into hell for his daughter- that’s not the point. The point is they can’t win- not right now. Unless… “What if we make El Santo think he’s getting what he wants?”

James stares at her for a long moment- no emotion, no clue of what he might be thinking. He’s still for so long she’s starts to doubt her own idea. It isn’t much of an idea to be honest, not yet. But if they try hard enough, she thinks they can come up with something. Finally James’ expression shifts. She can see the faintest glimmer of excitement in him. But he doesn’t say anything. Instead he turns to the others so Teresa does the same. Lil’ T is obviously confused but willing to do what is needed of her. Charger seems to be weighing all the ways it could go wrong. And Pote… Pote looks like he just got a new gun. Teresa felt a smile forming. They were in. They could do this. James sat up straighter, “We’d need more details, but…It could work.”

Teresa felt her smile grow even wider.

It would work.

~*~*~

They had brainstormed for hours. Each of them trying to find the best plan- each of them giving the worst case scenarios to said plans. El Santo was insane, but he wasn’t stupid. They all knew what was at stake if he suspected that they were betraying him. Teresa could still remember El Dentista’s dead eyes. She didn’t want that for her family.

Finally they had taken a break. They had a plan- incomplete, but better than yesterday. And if they could keep things going long enough, they might be able to remove El Santo as a threat permanently. That’s what Pote wanted- James too. Teresa wasn’t so sure. Which is how she found herself in the bunker, organizing the already organized weapons. Her new knife was secured at her ankle. She knew logically that she was safe, but having it with her made her _feel_ secure- like James was beside her.

Again, her mind went to the time she didn’t have. The moments she had missed haunted her. She remembered when Guero came back after El Limpiador. She had felt like the time they hadn’t been together was wasted- that they could have been happy if she had known he was alive. But it had never really hurt like this did. She _wanted_ to have those moments. She _missed_ the life she hadn’t lived. It wasn’t nostalgia for what could have been. It was grief for what was lost to her.

But there was fear, too. And it seemed to be clinging to her heart more and more as the days went on. She could close her eyes one night and wake up back in 2018. She could be back in James’ house, but without the little girl she loved so much, without the weight of her wedding ring to comfort her when he went out. And she knew that there was no guarantee that if she went back her life would turn out this way. Then there was the fear that if she went back, she wouldn’t remember this life- that it would fade away like dreams when morning touches them. And that terrified her more than losing this life. Because even if her life didn’t turn out that way, she had a taste of it, she had a memory of a time when she had everything she could ever want.

The sound of footsteps broke Teresa from her thoughts. Her hand moved to a knife sitting on the island in front of her even as she turned casually to face whoever was coming her way. Pote stepped into the room and Teresa subtly took her hand from the weapon. If he noticed, Pote didn’t let it show. Instead he made his way over to stand next to her. “I didn’t know he had an entire arsenal. Maybe I shouldn’t have treated him so bad in the early days, huh?” Teresa ducked her head to hide her smirk. It was no secret just how much Pote had disliked and distrusted James. Even when they were all still with Camila his disdain had been obvious.

Peeking at the older man from under the curtain of her hair Teresa smiled. “I never knew why you didn’t like him.” She waited a beat watching Pote’s face before adding, “You two are exactly the same except for the boots and mustache.” She flicked her hand in the direction of his shoes and watched as his expression morphed into one of horror.  She broke into laughter as he sputtered in indignation. She knew he wasn’t offended by the comparison. He had come to truly respect James. But Teresa couldn’t help watching him get grumpy over her seeming insult to his cowboy boot and handlebar mustache.

It felt good. Being with Pote- even surrounded by more weapons than she wanted to count- was always easy. And so few things in her life had ever been easy. Pote finally got himself under control, sending her a mocking glare as he mumbled, “I can still kick that pendejo’s ass.” But the amusement in his eyes was too strong to convince her that he was even a little bit upset. But just as quickly as the light moment had come, Pote became serious again. Teresa shifted so that she was facing him fully, knowing that whatever he was about to say was important.

“You know, the first time I met James was at El Limpiador’s.” Teresa stiffened at the mention of that day, Brenda’s face flashing into her memory, but she didn’t interrupt. “He came in gun drawn. I was ready to shoot him, but then I looked at you. And I knew something was going on.” Teresa looked down at the knife she had on the island. All of a sudden Pote’s gaze was too heavy- to knowing- for her to handle. ”You didn’t look at Camila. You had your eyes on him.” Pote scowled, shaking his head slightly as if he didn’t really want to say the words that were about to come out of his mouth. Teresa almost hoped he wouldn’t. She wasn’t sure she was ready to hear what he had to say.

“‘It’s okay, he’s with me.’ That’s the first thing you said- and it wasn’t to Camila. That’s when I knew something was different. James’ job may have been to keep me from shooting Camila, but he was _there_ to protect you. You said it so he would know that I wasn’t a threat to you.” Pote tilted his head to catch her eyes. “That’s not just business, Teresita- that’s personal. And personal gets you killed.”

Teresa looked away again. She knew how dangerous caring for someone could be in this world. Her parents, Guero, Brenda- she had loved all of them and the cartel had taken all of them. Her mind went to James, upstairs playing with Ali. She thought of what her life would be like if she lost him- if she lost either of them. But she had never been able to stop herself from caring. She had tried with James. She had fought so hard to keep him in one role- first captor, then ally- but never lover. Except, it hadn’t worked.

And her fear of losing him had nearly destroyed their relationship.

She finally looked at Pote again. He was watching her closely, and it made her want to hide or run- anything to not feel so exposed. But she didn’t. She needed to know… “You were so quick to say that James was the mole after I got back from Bolivia.” It was Pote’s turn to look away, but he met her eyes again almost immediately, as if he knew she needed to see the truth in his answer. “Was that because you truly thought he was guilty or because I was sleeping with him?”

“Can it be both?” Teresa watched as Pote searched for the right words. The words that would be the most true and cause the least amount of hurt. “When you got Guero back from the dead, he was DEA. He had been gone for months before he showed up out of nowhere. And you just let him back in- protected him- because you loved him.” Teresa couldn’t argue with that no matter how badly she wanted to. “James showed up in Malta out of nowhere, saved you from that bomb and those sicarios. And you let him in, because he meant something to you. If something had happened to you because of him, because of your feelings for him? Teresa, my job is to keep you safe. To watch your back. And I will do that no matter what.”

“But you trust him now, right?”

Pote sent her a smug look. “Do you really think he would have been alive to propose if I didn’t?”

Teresa let out a laugh. They both knew that James would out last Pote in a fight, but she appreciated the sentiment. She appreciated the loyalty and love that Pote gave her. “You know, I used to think that my mother sent Guero into my life- so that I would be happy. Now I know better. My mother sent me James. My father sent me you- to protect me since he couldn’t.”

Pote shifted on his feet and Teresa knew he was uncomfortable with what she had said. But she could also see how much her words meant to him. And she couldn’t take them back. Pote had protected her- loved her like a daughter. She didn’t know where she would be without him.

The world had taken so much from her, but she was so glad it had given her this man.


End file.
